I recently mentioned to a friend that my wife and I were traveling to see our grandchildren, whom we had not seen for many months. My friend suggested that they will be happy to see us. I agreed and said we would be as glad to see them. Then my friend said, “Happy times … isn’t that what we all want, especially for our grandkids?”
My friend’s comment set me to thinking. Happiness … isn’t that what we all want? I suppose most sane people prefer happiness to its opposite, but is it really the only goal we ought to set for ourselves? Is being happy what we ought to be aiming for in life?
What is happiness? It’s a feeling, and a feeling dependent on circumstances. A child who gets a new toy for Christmas feels, at least for the moment, happy. An older child may require something more substantial to generate the same level of happiness, e.g., a teenager getting their first car. And a grownup may require something even more substantial, like a new house, or a job promotion and raise, to feel as happy as a child with a new toy.
Happiness due to circumstances is hardly a new human experience. The first mention of happiness in the Bible is recorded in Genesis 30. Jacob’s two wives, Rachel and Leah, were engaged in a rivalry to produce an heir that was so intense each woman gave to Jacob a servant girl as a wife. To Leah’s dismay, Rachel’s servant girl soon produced two sons. Later, Leah’s servant girl also produced two sons, at which point she said, “How happy I am! The women will call me happy.”
Another, simple example of happiness based on circumstances is found in Jonah 4. “Then the Lord God provided a leafy plant and made it grow up over Jonah to give shade for his head to ease his discomfort, and Jonah was very happy about the plant.”
This is not to say that we must look to Scriptures to learn about human happiness and its dependence on favorable circumstances. Every human being has experienced this happiness, as well as the disappointment that comes from a reversal of circumstances. Thus, to live is to alternate between happiness and unhappiness.
Of course, the proportion of happiness vs unhappiness varies greatly among individuals, due to both differing circumstances and differing reactions to similar circumstances. It is fair to say that the happiness of children is generally more affected by minor events than is the happiness of adults. Also, the more mature a person becomes, the less dependent they are on immediate, circumstantial happiness.
We might ask, “If maturity decreases the importance of circumstantial happiness, what replaces it?” Or, put another way, “Is there something better than being happy?” The answer is a resounding “Yes!”
Children want to be happy all the time (though it is not possible), and many parents and grandparents spend extraordinary amounts of time, energy, and money trying to fulfill this wish. No good parent says, “What I really want is for my child to be unhappy.” But the vain attempt to insulate children from any unhappiness deprives the youngsters from learning how to deal with unhappy circumstances. Thus, constant ‘happiness’ deters maturity.
This principle is not limited to small children. It applies equally to adults, many of whom continue to pursue happiness by striving to improve their circumstances. Thus, they expend themselves pursuing whatever their culture sees as a potential source of happiness, e.g., larger and nicer homes, newer and fancier vehicles, job promotions and titles, or positions of power and/or fame. The entire concept of consumerism, and the advertising it entails, is built on our desire to buy something that will make us happy.
The consumerist philosophy is, sadly, not limited to “stuff” we can buy. It can be applied to relationships, and often is. Men and women search for a mate who will “make them happy” (as opposed to striving to be a person who can help another be the best they can be). Couples decide not to have children because the burden of raising them will detract from their own happiness (as opposed to the joy of parenthood and the challenge of raising children who may make the world a better place). Friends or relatives who question or disagree with us are discarded because their views detract from our feelings of unruffled happiness.
The society in which we live seems to promote a consumerist approach to both the economy and personal relationships. The ultimate priority it preaches is to satisfy self, no matter what the cost. Yet, I can think of few things sadder than a life lived entirely centered on self. Dedicating oneself to personal happiness is not only unlikely to succeed but is in fact a foolish choice and a total waste of human potential. Yet do we not see around us every day people whose obvious priority is simply trying to make themselves happy?
But -- back to my friend’s comment, “Happy times … isn’t that what we all want, especially for our grandkids?” My answer becomes, “Yes, sometimes, but not all the time. Certainly not when they are selfish, or rude, or disobedient. And not if they achieve circumstantial happiness at the expense of something larger, or more noble, or more selfless, and better.”
What I really want for my grandchildren is the same thing I want for everyone for whom I really care. Above all else, I want for them three things: (1) to connect with the God of the Bible, the ultimate source of meaning, wisdom, and joy that transcends life’s circumstances, (2) to mature emotionally and spiritually to the point where their own happiness becomes secondary to the needs of others, and (3) though I say this with some reluctance, to encounter sufficient difficulties and challenges in life to develop the strength of character that will help make them the best people they can possibly be.
And, along the way, if they have more happiness than expected or deserved, good for them!
